Over the years I have grown to classify my symptoms into stages. The practical reason is simple, I use them to manage how careful I have to be, by determining the rate my symptoms are growing, and how dagerous my current phase is.
Following is the phase system that I have devised to keep myself safe. I calculate how long until I reach a phase where I will need to be hospitalized which thankfully has been infrequent.
Background Thoughts: Having thoughts of suicide is always frightening the first few times. In this phase thoughts of suicde start to trickle in.
Feelings: Until now the thoughts have had a dry distant feeling, This phase is where symptoms now have a strong emotional charge, and a feeling of belonging, this is no longer about symptoms happening to you, now you feel connected to the symptoms.
Plans: As the symptoms grow they befome trains of thoughts that form plans. This phase is not about why as much as it is about how.
Goodbyes: This is a desire to tie up loose ends, make amends, say goodbye, or prepare your posessions to be found in your absence. This is among harderst symptoms to reccognize because it seams positive. However this is a very dangerous indicator that your symptoms have progressed past the point of resonable resistance.
Warm Cookies: This is how it begins to feel, like death is a wonderful thing. All resistance subsides. The pain of fighting your own mind goes away. It's a plesant and dangourous feeling. That is what makes this the most confusing, and most lethal symptom.